Strange Pulse

Actually, my ears work fine. It’s not my hearing. It’s processing what I hear.

It’s called a central auditory processing disorder (CAPD).

The hardest thing for me to process is people speaking. It’s not a constant thing–seems to be a lot worse when I’m tired or preoccupied. But someone can say something to me, and I won’t understand what they say. It’s not that it sounds garbled. I just can’t process it. It’s really frustrating when I’m concentrating super hard on what they’re saying but just can’t get it. I’ll actually repeat the words in my mind as they’re saying them, sometimes, and it’ll still take awhile to click.

It’s really bad if I can’t see the person, only hear them. Which is why I hate listening to the radio. DJ’s drive me crazy. And baseball games on the radio? Torture. My husband LOVES to listen to games on the radio. I’ve learned to not even bother trying to follow the game, just let it flow past me. He’ll get all excited over some play someone made and I have to ask him to tell me what happened. (Even then I’m not always sure what took place.)

I’ve gotten really good at faking it. Especially on the phone. I don’t hate talking on the phone. But if the person I’m talking to starts going on for a bit, I can’t process it. I’m really good at faking it though. “Yeah, totally.” “I know!” “Mmm-hmm.”

I once called an auditory center to find out about what sorts of treatments are available. (I didn’t pursue it because it cost $5,000.) The woman on the phone went off forever about what they do and what they offer. Then she asked, “What makes you think you have an auditory processing disorder?” I said, “Well, I only took in about half of what you just said.”