Strange Pulse

We have a saying in our church: You love those that you serve. And it’s really true.

I work in the nursery at my church. The nursery is about 2 hours long, with any kids between the ages of 18 months and 3 years. Younger than that, they’re expected to be with their parents. Older, and they go to a Sunday School class.

I’m telling you, toddlers are the greatest people on earth. And not just any toddlers–but the ones in my nursery, they’re the best.

I know I feel that way because of the service I provide them. Service as in sacrifice, work, energy, time. I love those kids!

I have 7 regulars, and 1 who comes every so often, when his grandma takes him to church with her. They’re all around 2 years old. One is 3 and he’ll be moving up to a regular Sunday School class today.

Each one is so precious and wonderful.

There’s sweet, sensitive, quiet little Mary. Who is so sweet and sensitive that it takes you completely by surprise when you realize she’s also a FEARLESS DAREDEVIL.

Then there’s Macy, who is just so funny. She’s usually very quiet, but she also obviously has a lot of older siblings–she doesn’t let anyone push her around. And somehow with her, it’s no surprise that she’s a fearless daredevil. I’ll ask her if she’s going to go down the slide (little plastic one we keep in the room), and she’ll say, “On my back? On my back!” and go down headfirst, on her back.

Jaxon, who’s younger than most of the kids, is huge for his age–bigger than any of the other kids, except maybe Kailer (the oldest). His grandma calls him a gentle giant, and that’s just what he is. Sweet, quiet, huge little Jaxon.

Kailer is just so incredibly smart. Maybe he seems that way because he’s the oldest, but I don’t think so. He’s very sensitive to the people around him. He’s what I think of as a button-pusher, or a boundary-tester. But you don’t go around carefully pushing people’s buttons without being very sensitive to the people around you. And it’s really awesome to see how much his behavior will change based on the other kids around him. He’s a smarty pants with an incredible imagination. We’ll miss him–he’s moving up out of nursery today.

You ever heard the phrase “a little firecracker” used to describe someone? That phrase makes me think of Sophie. She sparkles. She’s a fireeater. A bit of a drama queen. And she’s so imaginative. She has an imaginary friend–her hand–which she calls Keiko. Once, after we’d blessed the snack, she sat on her chair with her eyes still squeezed shut. “I can’t open them! I can’t! They’re stuck!” Then with a huge effort she popped her eyes open. “Phew!” a huge sigh of relief.

Hayden is a sweetie pie. Obsessed with trains, he’s completely content to sit off on his own and play. But he’s not shy. He’ll talk to you all you want, as long as it’s about trains, or his mommy or daddy. He’s got a security blanket, but come to think of it, I haven’t seen it in a long time. He must be growing out of it.

Grace is a funny little thing. She’s very quiet when there’s lots of kids around, and she can tend to fall between the cracks if I’m not careful. She lights up whenever her older sisters or father comes into the room. And she can be very talkative and animated when there’s only a few kids around. Whatever’s going on, she’s always taking it all in.

Sailor is probably the one I identify with most. She’s often completely silent. Rarely smiles. She’s intimidated by a lot of rambunctious kids around her. She’s been known to come in, sit at the table, and cover her ears. Or her eyes. And just sit like that for a few minutes. Sometimes when I’m sitting on the floor, she’ll carefully, slowly, quietly back up until she’s right in front of me, and slowly sit on my lap. Once, she stood in the middle of the room with her arm stretched out, looking tense and nervous. I went over and asked what she wanted and she whispered, “Ernie.” I realized a little toy Ernie was a few feet away on the ground, but there was a kid playing next to it, so she was afraid to go get it.

Some of my favorite people in the world are under the age of 3.

I posted over at Kulturblog about the year in shows, so I thought I’d post some of my favorite pictures I took this year here. There’s going to be a lot, even though my picture-taking has dramatically slowed down since I’ve started working fulltime again.

Very orange sunset.

It doesn’t bother me to have surfboards in the living room.

Me and Daniel (taken by our friend Dave).

Ted Leo.

When the swimming pool area flooded with rain.

Nebula.

Anaheim cemetery.

Dave at Washington Street park.

Daniel at Washington Street park–our friend Dave blurred out in the background.

Taking a break.

Main Street.

The Frames.

Newport Beach pier. (Same pier as the header photo on my blog.)

Daniel skating in Anaheim.

Mimi of Low.

Cat and Daniel on the Huntington Beach pier.

Skate competition at the Basic Bowl.

The stairs leading into E3.

High on Fire, I think I’ve seen them more times than any other band.

Graves at Sea (doooooooooom).

Going to Palm Springs.

The fam.

At the beach.

Pelican.

Catherine.

Fu Manchu.

The Gris Gris.

Exodus.

Nathaniel.

Eljiah.

Took this one last night at the pier.

Once when my kids were little I was giving them a little lesson on family history. I had a genealogy worksheet that showed all their grandparents and I think great-grandparents. Nathaniel made a comment, something about it making one big circle. And I knew he was talking about how different families end up merging together when a couple gets married and has kids, and how it ties all these different families together, back over generations.

Pretty profound for a 4 or 5 year old.

My family is pretty opposite of my husband’s family in many ways. My family is mellow, easy going, very informal, non-affectionate. Daniel’s family is very energetic, affectionate, and pretty formal (compared to mine). I love my in-laws, they’re just very different from my family.

My kids are getting to be teenagers now, and sometimes I look at families we encounter with kids their age, and I think, what if my kid married one of their kids? What would it be like to be linked to this family in such a permanent way? And I understand why arranged marriages were so popular.

I’ve got the week off, and we’ve been passing the flu around. I had it Tuesday. I was lying in bed watching a soap opera, and my son just couldn’t believe I’d do something like that. Watch a soap! “But they’re so HORRIBLE!” And my daughter, when she came into the room, immediately left again. “They’re so stupid!”

And they are, which is why they’re so fun. Plus, the cliffhangers! The only soap I ever turn on is the Young and the Restless. I haven’t watched it for years (and years–long enough back that my kids don’t remember ever seeing me watch it!), but it’s fun to turn it on and see which characters are still there, and which actors are playing them. One of the best things about soaps is how they’ll swap out actors. A voiceover will say, “The role of Brick Richman is now being played by…” and that’s that.

But what I really want to talk about is how horrible daytime tv is in general. Soaps are funny, but man there’s some real trash out there. Like the terrible talk shows. Who’s watching this stuff?

I was in the hospital for a few days once thanks to my diabetes, and all I had to do all day was watch daytime tv. After a day or two of it, I felt icky. Like I had a thick film of filth all over me. It’s really mindboggling. Why can’t they have some decent programming during the day?

In no particular order.

I don’t usually buy more than 10 new releases a year, and I don’t hardly have that many this year. I actually own all but a couple of these, and those that I don’t own (only downloaded) I fully intend to buy.

Yob - The Unreal Never Lived
Three of the nicest doom metalers you could ever meet. I swear they just get better with each album.

Yob:

Red Sparowes - At the Soundless Dawn
One of the guys from Isis is in this band. Great stuff. Melodic atmospheric doom is what I think of it as. Have no idea if that’s an accurate description though. Let’s see what allmusic.com classifies them as…

* Intense
* Brooding
* Circular
* Complex
* Dreamy
* Indulgent
* Eerie
* Elaborate
* Atmospheric

Those fit. All instrumental.

Red Sparowes:

Pelican - The Fire in Our Throats Will Beckon the Thaw
Similiar to Red Sparowes. Can’t get enough of this stuff. Really awesome live, too. And super nice guys. A review on allmusic.com says:

There’s a new style of metal rising in the early 21st century; one that is light on the vocals and heavy on the instrumentals. But this certainly isn’t your dad’s familiar metal instrumental — prog-like overindulgence has given way to sounds that alternate between dreamy soundscapes and crushing riffs — as evidenced by groups like Pelican.

Pelican:

Opeth - Ghost Reveries
It’s kinda ridiculous to call these guys death metal anymore, they’re so much more than that. One of the most brilliant bands recording music today. Actually, I’d go so far as to say *the* most brilliant band recording music today.

New Model Army - Carnival
One of my favorite bands released a new album, and I haven’t spent much time on it yet, but I’m still including it in my best of the year. Because I know it is regardless! (What I have taken in is great.)

NMA:

Low - The Great Destroyer
I love everything about it. Everything.

Low:

Hellacopters - Rock’n’Roll is Dead
I can’t say enough good things about these guys. Love love love. Here’s how allmusic.com describes them:

* Uncompromising
* Hedonistic
* Energetic
* Harsh
* Raucous
* Intense
* Freewheeling
* Thuggish
* Aggressive
* Visceral
* Cathartic

Heck yeah!

Daft Punk - Human After All
This is considered house music, which I never would’ve guessed. I just love the catchy repetitive beats and the robot voice. Music needs more robot voice.

Magnolia Electric Co. - What Comes After the Blues
Funny that I love stuff that sounds like Neil Young, but I’m not very into Neil himself. Only in small doses. But I can listen to this album over and over again. And I love the title.

Let me know if you want to hear samples of any of them and I’ll post to the radio.blog.

I just realized something. The poetry I love the most inspires the same feeling I receive from listening to my favorite music artists–like the Waterboys, the Frames, Calexico. I guess I’d describe it as a sort of intense longing.

I realized this when I was listening to a Waterboys bootleg, and Mike Scott sang a Robert Frost poem that he’d put to music–”Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening.” He’s done that before–put poems to music, I mean. The album Fisherman’s Blues has a wonderful Yeats poem put to music, “The Stolen Child.” The poem is read by some old Gaelic guy with a wonderful, deep, full voice, and the chorus sung by Mike.

I’ll post it to the radio.blog and include the poem below. There’s so many lovely phrases used in this poem–”Weaving olden dances/Mingling hands and mingling glances,” “And whispering in their ears/We give them unquiet dreams,” and “Away with us he’s going/The solemn-eyed…”

I’ll probably post about some other favorite poems later.

Ted Leo’s an indie rocker. His fans are rabid, die hard lovers of him. He took awhile to click for me, but once he did, I became a slobbering fanatic, as well.

He’s like a combination of Joe Jackson and Elvis Costello on speed. His songs have a huge amount of lyrics that he blows through so fast–and he manages to do it live, too. I spent several hours listening to the song I’m going to post today just to get to a point where I could sing along with every word. That’s one of the things I love about him–you can spend hours and hours on each song and never get sick of it–always have something new to discover or think about.

The song I’m posting, “Me and Mia,” is like a really awesome, self-empowering indie anthem. So it’s kind of weird that it’s about eating disorders. I don’t know if Ted himself has had an eating disorder or if he’s singing about it because he knows women who’ve dealt with one. I know he’s a vegan, though. And I know he sometimes sings about women and issues they often struggle with.

Just so you know, “Mia” is a nickname for Bulemia, and “Ana” is a nickname for Anorexia.

There’s so many excellent lines in this song. The “I can see it in your spine” line is so graphic, if you’ve ever known anyone who’s anorexic. And the line I used for the title of this post just sums it all up so well. Eating disorders are issues of control.

Do you believe in something beautiful?
Then get up and be it.

There’s a bit of a joke in my family about how I don’t like people looking at me. I think it all started when I went into a diabetic coma a few years ago. I don’t remember it, but I was lying with my eyes open refusing to co-operate with my husband, who was trying to force sugar down my throat to save my life. The kids were standing in the doorway staring, and apparently I said to them, in a bratty voice, “What are you lookin’ at?” It became a bit of a joke, one of those crazy things mom said when she was in a coma, you know how that goes.

But a few months ago Daniel was just sitting on the couch next to me, looking at me, and it bothered me. I said, “Why are you staring at me?!” and he started laughing.

Well today we went to a Sprint cell phone store with our friend Dave, who is spending Christmas with us. He was talking to his boss on his cell phone in our bathroom, and dropped it in the toilet. I haven’t asked what exactly he was doing that made him drop it in the toilet, but apparently it required standing right next to the toilet. And it ruined his cell phone. So we ran out to get him another, as well as take care of some other last-minute shopping…that turned into hours of running around.

The Sprint store is a small rectangular space with a cashier station in the center, and phones along each wall. Above the phones are giant posters/ad, each with a picture of a person smiling a huge smile. Looking directly into the camera. With giant eyes. Kind of like this:

Only blown up to cover a wall. Huge pictures. Several of them, all around the space, all staring with their big eyes down at you.

I mentioned to my husband that I couldn’t work there with those posters staring like that. So of course we started joking around–”Quit staring at me!”–and he pretended to be the fictional boss who comes in after I’d worked a shift, and says, “Why’d you cut out all the posters’ eyes?!”

OK, so maybe I’m crazy. But those eyes were disturbing.

Here are the lyrics I posted, this time with who they’re by and what song they’re from.

---

I saw two shooting stars last night
I wished on them, but they were only satellites
Is it wrong to wish on space hardware?

–Billy Bragg, “A New England”

---

What on earth is going on in my heart?
Has it turned as cold as stone?
Seems these days I don’t feel anything
‘Less it cuts me right down to the bone
What on earth is going on in my heart?

–David Gray, “My Oh My”

---

Why won’t you ever be glad?
It melts into wonder
I came in praying for you
Why won’t you run into rain and play?
And let the tears splash all over you

–Dave Matthews Band, “#41″

---

Fighting for the smallest goal: to gain a little self-control
Won’t anybody here just let you disappear?
Not doctors, nor your mom and dad, but me and Mia, Ann and Ana
Know how hard you try. Don’t you see it in my eyes?
Sick to death of my dependence, fighting food to find transcendence
Fighting to survive, more dead but more alive
Cigarettes and speed for livin’, and sleeping pills to feel forgiven

–Ted Leo, “Me and Mia”

---

You left the window open till the morning and the winter walked in
Reality fired her wooden bullet, splintered under our skin

–Patty Griffin, “Every Little Bit”

---

Keep a fire for the human race
Let your prayers go drifting into space
You never know what will be coming down
Perhaps a better world is drawing near
And just as easily it could all disappear
Along with whatever meaning you might have found
Don’t let the uncertainty turn you around
(The world keeps turning around and around)
Go on and make a joyful sound

–Jackson Browne, “For a Dancer”

---

Years ago I was an angry young man
I’d pretend that I was a billboard
Standing tall, by the side of the road
I fell in love with a beautiful highway

–Talking Heads, “Nothing But Flowers”

---

I’ll probably do a post on each song over Christmas break (I basically get all of next week off), because I have stuff to say about each of them. And I’ll post them to the radio.blog then.

You know, there’s all kinds of things I could be blogging about, but I’m lazy and just feel like posting a song by one of my favorite artists. Mike Scott/the Waterboys.

I was just reading a tour diary he posted on his website about a tv show he performed on, filmed out in a remote spot in Ireland in a church. It’s called Other Voices, and I hope I’m somehow able to see it or get a copy. From Mike’s tour diary, describing the scenery travelling into the town:

“A few more miles and the road tumbles down into Dingle itself. To our left there are cows on the beach, where farmland runs right down to the harbour. To our left are little bright coloured houses and shops. Ahead of us are the roofs of town, and the great tower of the church in the centre, and the most dramatic backdrop of mountains all around. It’s like stepping the set of a play, and I know what’s ahead: music, music, friends, craic, fun, music, music and more music.”

And later, after the televised performance:

“Janette solves my shirt problem by arriving with a spare, and we all
go back to Benner’s where a mighty post-gig hoolie is revving up in
the bar and spilling out into the lobby and stairwells. We’re
surrounded by well-wishers, friends and familiar faces. Here’s Seamus’
lovely wife Mary, who I haven’t seen since 1990, and son Eoin, now a
handsome fellow in his early twenties. Here are Diarmaid and Denise.
Here’s Mazz Flaherty. And here’s….and here’s….Meanwhile, Seamus
being Seamus, the box is soon produced, and Steve being Steve, so is
the fiddle. I bring down my guitar, Liam brings out the bodhran, and
soon the reels, hornpipes and jigs are flowing like a merry river, and
a crowd has gathered round us.”

Why can’t I live in Ireland?!

Here’s a song I haven’t listened to in ages by the Waterboys, but I’ve been craving lately. Posted to the radio.blog.

I love it when he writes about walking the walk, rather than just talking the talk.