Strange Pulse

I’m Susan. 37, married for 19 years, with three kids. A Mormon housewife into doom metal. And this is my blog.

Sunday, July 31, 2005

When Life Imitates Art…or at least, Spongebob

File under General - by Susan M @ 11:00 pm

Daniel and I took the boys out to eat last night to a kind of gross local Mexican place that has yummy fish tacos. And Elijah (our youngest–11) got a churro. He was wolfing it down fast and before he knew it, it was gone. He was convinced one of us ate the last bit without him seeing.

My older son started saying how it was just like an episode of Spongebob where Patrick had a lollipop and ate it really fast. Patrick says, “You took my lollipop!” And Spongebob responds, “No I didn’t! But here, you can just have another one.” And Patrick swallows it whole, then yells again, “You took my lollipop!”

We were all laughing because Elijah was being just like Patrick. Even Elijah was laughing. Then he said, “Yeah, they all laughed. And then Patrick says again, ‘But you took my lollipop!’”

And then a minute later, Elijah was mad again, convinced someone had taken his churro.

Saturday, July 30, 2005

A good old fashioned ‘fro down

File under General, Music, Photography - by Susan M @ 11:00 pm

It makes me so happy that afros are back in.


Oh yeah. Now that’s what I’m talking about.


Ah. Even better.


White boy fro!


Coolest. Ever.


Loverly locksy curls.


Yum.


Yummery.


Yummerist.

(All photos by me except top two and album cover. Photos are, top to bottom: Mars Volta, Mars Volta, Ted Leo and the Pharmicists, the Melvins, Brant Bjork, Bad Wizard, Maxwell, my husband.)

I know I’m leaving a ton out, who else has some fro action?

Friday, July 29, 2005

My Life as a Soundtrack Vol I, Track #7: Flock of Seagulls

File under General - by Susan M @ 11:00 pm

I was a Duranie. In junior high. My friends and I all loved Duran Duran, and we all had crushed on different members of the band. For me, it was quiet Roger, the drummer. Really, what’s not to love?

But to represent all the new wave stuff I loved in my early teen years, I went with Flock of Seagulls. I used to have the chorus of this song, “Wishing,” written on my peechee.

There was a lot of music back then I was into but didn’t own any of the records. And I also chose this song to represent that music. But I just realized I did (and still do) have this album. Haha. Oh well.

I wasn’t very comfortable with myself as a young teen and I hated everything girly. So punk really appealed to me. I ended up looking pretty butch–I had short spiked hair and a tail. Once I walked into a hair salon and requested a mohawk, but the hairdresser couldn’t bring herself to actually give me one, so she cut it pretty short on the sides and left the top longer and spiked.

When I first started junior high, I was just a dorky 7th grader, and I started wearing make up for the first time. I didn’t know what I was doing so I caked it on–sky blue eyeshadow. I must’ve looked like Tammy Fay. Some girl made fun of me in band class, which made me feel absolutely clueless (which I was), and then of course she ended up becoming my best friend (we’re still good friends today, and she’s probably flying down from Seattle to go see the Frames with me next month). So I stopped wearing makeup. But then as I got into new wave, I started experimenting with makeup, stuff like this:

Hmm, well I can’t find any pictures online that demonstrate what I mean. On one side of my face, I would take eyeliner and run it from the outside corner of my eye diagonally down to my hair line, then draw a line from the end of my eyebrow straight back to my hairline, and fill that space in with blue or maybe purple-pink eyeshadow. I’d go to school like that. I’d get hassled for it too. I don’t know why I did it, except I wanted to be Siouxsie Sioux, Nina Hagen, and especially, Jordan:

That’s it. That’s what I was going for makeup-wise. Imagine if a 13 year old girl tried to emulate that. Haha.

I wish I had some photos of me with all that make up on, but these will have to do…

Me with our record collection (my brother’s and mine):

Me in the scary house with my spiked hair and you can’t see it, but I’m wearing one peace symbol earring:

We had posters all over the stairwell, and our bedrooms. Notice the hand rail is all scraped from us sliding down it:

My penpal Laura, me, and my brother at the airport (hope my brother doesn’t mind I’m posting this):

Punk rock girl!

Let’s see if I can name all the bands in the magazines (I know, what a dork I was…still am):

Starting at the bottom and working clockwise: Depeche Mode, The Alarm, The Smiths, Siouxsie Sioux, Johhny Rotten/P.I.L., Howard Jones maybe?, can’t see the next one, another Johnny Rotten, can’t see the two by my feet, I think the next one is the Cure, then Jordan with the spikey hair (I was actually going to name my third child Jordan if he’d been a girl), Psychedelic Furs, maybe Bronski Beat?, Midnight Oil, and of course, U2.

You can listen to Flock of Seagulls in the radio.blog, top right.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

My Life as a Soundtrack Vol I, Track #6: The Waterboys

File under General, Music - by Susan M @ 11:00 pm

After getting into U2, I also started getting into other similar bands, and the Waterboys were one of them. It’s always cracked me up how they have a few songs that are very similar to U2’s–for instance:

I Will Follow - U2
I Will Not Follow - The Waterboys

Love Comes Tumbling Down Again - U2
Crown (Love Comes Tumbling) - The Waterboys

Other bands I lumped together in this category are the Alarm and the Chameleons. So including this Waterboys song is representative of all the guitar rock I was into back then.

I still like current U2, and love their early stuff, but not like I still love the Waterboys. The Waterboys, and Mike Scott (who *is* the Waterboys), are my favorite of all time. Ever. I don’t know exactly what it is, but something about the music and lyrics he writes just really resonates with me. It doesn’t appeal to many people, either–it’s rare that I find anyone really into him. His recent music isn’t as good as some of the earlier stuff but I still really love it. I actually don’t listen to his music all that often because it can be too emotional for me.

The song I used for this mix, “Somebody Might Wave Back,” is an early one. Not one of my very favorites, but it’s cute.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

My Summer Friday.

File under General, Music - by Susan M @ 11:00 pm

My employers do this really cool thing. They give everyone in the company two extra days off during the summer, two Fridays, and they call them summer Fridays.

My boss is especially cool because he let me take my summer Friday on the same day we have a huge deadline for a website to go live. Normally, he probably wouldn’t have allowed it, but I’d already requested it and planned my daughter’s birthday party around it, before the deadline got moved back to today. And since I’m so great at my job, I had everything pretty much wrapped up way in advance. Ha. Actually I’m going in tomorrow (Saturday) to go over everything one last time (the site goes live on Monday). But he’s going to give me Tuesday or Thursday off next week to make up for working on a Saturday.

Of course everything has to converge on me at once. A huge deadline at work, my daughter’s slumber party, her birthday, and then my husband comes home Wednesday to tell me he has to go to Vegas for two days. I’ve had a crazy week.

But we survived the sleepover, and my daughter had a bunch of gift cards as gifts, so we went to the mall this afternoon to go spend them. I posted a little bit about going to the mall last weekend. Well I was anxious to show my kids the Hot Topic store (I know, I’m lame! How could I not know about Hot Topic before now? I know the name from hearing it mentioned, usually derogatorily, but seriously, I never step foot in a mall except to eat at the food court with the kids, because they’re all such picky eaters, it’s the only place we can go where everyone will eat–I say “they” but I’m just as bad), and all the Napoleon Dynamite goodies they had there. And the huge punk rock boots. And the gothic jackets. I would totally be dressing like that if I weren’t old and fat.

Cat used her mall gift card to get a Napoleon Dynamite bobblehead (I know, can you believe it? I told her she has to hold onto it, because in 10 or 20 years she’ll be wishing she still had it) and I ended up getting the boys tshirts, because Elijah wanted a Dukes of Hazard shirt. Because we just rented a dvd of the old tv series and he loves it. And Nathaniel got a Slayer tshirt.

I got myself a Siouxsie and the Banshees sticker, just like the picture of Siouxsie my husband drew in black marker on my dad’s old men’s shirt that I used to wear kind of like a jacket when we were teenagers:

I think I’ll put it on our minivan bumper.

Then we left the mall to drive over to Barnes and Noble, which Cat also had gift cards for, and I had the Indigo Girls playing, a mix I’d just made of their stuff–haven’t listened to them in years! But Nathaniel asked if we could listen to something else and started digging through my purse, which I basically only carry as something to hold cds, and found Converge, a really abrasive hardcore band that I love. So we went from the Indigo Girls to Converge, and I love it that my kids didn’t even bat an eye. And I thought about the music they’d been playing at Hot Topic that was supposed to be so punk rock (Hole) and had to laugh. I said, “You don’t hear Hot Topic playing Converge! I’m way more hardcore than Hot Topic!”

I was thinking though about what I’m doing to my kids. What’s it like to have a mom who’s more hardcore than Hot Topic? Poor things.

I love that I really like my kids though. It’s fun to hang out with them. I’ve just noticed lately that what me and their dad thinks is cool really sets a tone for them. They think stuff is cool that we think is cool. Maybe that just makes us cool parents, I don’t know. I keep waiting for my kids to start hating everything we like and rebelling, but it hasn’t happened yet.

Edit: I just posted a Converge song to the radio.blog. Enjoy!

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

I grew up in a scary house.

File under General - by Susan M @ 11:00 pm

It was an old farmhouse. With all kinds of attics–my bedroom had two. And crazy storage areas in stairwells, etc. We had a gigantic barn, too, which before we owned it had caught on fire, and parts of it were still scorched black inside.

There was also a root cellar. A little building with a dirt floor. It was actually quaint rather than scary.

But the basement–the basement was scary. Horror-movie scary. It was actually a cellar. With rickety wooden steps. And a bare, rough cement floor. It wasn’t just damp–if it rained, it would flood. There were dusty wooden shelves with glass jars of who knows what stored in them.

That’s where we had to do laundry.

Every time I went down there, I’d be aware of all the potential spiders lurking everywhere–particularly above my head. You DO NOT want to know what the ceiling of that place looked like. I never looked up if I could help it. And when I was done, I’d run up the stairs. Mostly because going up them, you could see in between the steps, and all the cobwebs and gross stuff that was lurking behind them.

I’m telling you, horror-movie scary.

But aside from the basement, I was never that scared in the house. Even with all the antique farm equipment my dad liked to collect. When you grow up with rusty old farm equipment in the yard, it was just home. Even with old grim-reaper-like scythes hanging around….Until you’re in the darkened living room watching Evil Dead with all your friends, and suddenly your dad appears in the window weilding one.

My dad was the best, ever.

The only time I remember getting freaked out, aside from your typical kid-nightscares of axe murderers lurking in th closets, was when I was listening to a local band called the U-Men, home all alone, at night. They were basically a rip off of the Birthday Party. (Which is why I say Nick Cave is responsible for grunge, but that’s another post.) And they were kinda scary. So there I was, getting creeped out, telling myself if anyone was around, the dogs outside in the back porch would start barking.

And then, of course, they started barking.

I didn’t really realize how scary our house was though until I spent the night at my best friend’s house and we were telling scary stories to freak each other out, late at night. I told her, perfectly seriously and rather hauntingly, a made-up story that someone died in our house. She totally believed me and was really scared. I hadn’t realized that she was scared of our house before.

It’s funny how ghost stories, tales of people dying in certain places, can be so freaky. But the real thing isn’t at all. My brother ended up dying of cancer in the living room of that house. And there was nothing scary or creepy about it. It’s just a house. And it happens to be where my brother died.

Maybe it’s just different when it’s your house, and your brother.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

A really excellent book.

File under General - by Susan M @ 11:00 pm

I read Peace Like a River by Leif Enger recently for my book club, and it immediately went to my favorite-books-of-all-time list. I then read it aloud to my husband, but he didn’t appreciate it as well as I did.

It’s told from the viewpoint of an asthmatic 11 year old boy, Reuben Land, in the 1960’s whose religious father can work miracles. The plot revolves around his older brother Davy having killed some boys that attempted to rape his girlfriend and were threatening their family and most especially, their little sister, Swede.

Here are a bunch of my favorite passages from it. It’s so beautifully written.

-*-*–*-*–*-*-

My sister, Swede, who often sees to the nub, offered this: People fear miracles because they fear being changed–though ignoring them will change you also. Swede said another thing, too and it rang in me like a bell: No miracle happens without a witness. Someone to declare, Here’s what I saw. Here’s how it went. Make of it what you will.

The fact is, the miracles that sometimes flowed from my father’s fingertips had few witnesses but me. Yes, enough people saw enough strange things that Dad became the subject of a kind of misspoken folklore in our town, but most ignored the miracles as they ignored Dad himself.

I believe I was preserved, through those twelve airless minutes, in order to be a witness, and as a witness, let me say that a miracle is no cute thing but more like the swing of a sword.

If he were here to begin the account, I believe Dad would say what he said to Swede and me on the worst night of all our lives:

We and the world, my children, will always be at war.

Retreat is impossible.

Arm yourselves.

(Pg 3-4)

-*-*–*-*–*-*-

So here is where my father wakes. He sits upright, and his eyes are wide and troubled, and “Son,” he says, “we have to leave.”

Because he knows, somehow, what we have done: We have stayed too long at church.

So let us leave. Let us get to the Plymouth with an impolite quickness–let us *fly*, as witnesses of eras past might say. Because at home, the hard and esculating war has paid us a visit. And it’s Swede, my darling sister, who has met it at the door.

(Pg 33)

-*-*–*-*–*-*-

But when we stepped out from the trees, stepped out into a peevish wind, the sky telling of winter, evening-colored at four in the afternoon–shouldn’t I have felt something then? As we walked toward home, toward lighted windows, shouldn’t I have sensed the Lands adrift, pushed off course, gone wayward?

(Pg 44)

-*-*–*-*–*-*-

And when did he know just what he’d done? We’ve wondered that, Swede and I. When did it come to Davy Land that exile is a country of shifting borders, hard to quit yet hard to endure, no matter your wide shoulders, no matter your toughened heart?

(Pg 50)

-*-*–*-*–*-*-

Thinking of supper, I asked, “You want us to do anything, Dad?”

“Persevere,” he said.

It was a better answer than we wanted. What else do you do when the landscape suddenly changes? When all mirrors tilt?

(Pg 57-8)

-*-*–*-*–*-*-

Good advice is a wise man’s friend, of course; but sometimes it just flies on past, and all you can do is wave.

(pg 75)

-*-*–*-*–*-*-

Listen: There are easier things than witnessing a miracle of God. For his part, Mr. Holgren didn’t know what to make of it; he looked horrified; the new peace in his skin didn’t sink deep; he covered his face from view and slunk from the cafeteria.

I knew what had happened, though. I knew exactly what to make of it, and it made me mad enough to spit.

What business had Dad in healing that man?

What right had Holgren to cross paths with the Great God Almighty?

The injustice took my breath away, truly it did. I felt a great hand close against my lungs and Miss Karlen escorted me gasping to the nurse’s office, where Mrs. Beulah plugged in her teapot and made a steam tent from a bolt of canvas.

When Dad came to take me home–having boxed up the contents of his single drawer in the boiler room–I wouldn’t go with him. I stayed on Mrs. Beulah’s couch. Dad lifted a corner of the canvas and peeked under.

“Looks like I’m getting a little vacation,” he said.

I nodded.

“I’m sorry you saw that.”

His getting fired, not the other thing.

“How about we go home.”

But I shook my head. I just couldn’t go with him. Nor could I tell him it wasn’t the public mistreatment that stole my breath and blocked my tongue; it was something too mean to explain. It was the fact that Chester the Fester, the worst man I’d ever seen, even worse in his way than Israel Finch, got a whole new face to look out of and didn’t even know to be grateful; while I, my father’s son, had to be still and resolute and breathe steam to stay alive.

(Pg 80)

-*-*–*-*–*-*-

I saw it happening but could not stop it. Humility came to me too late. I’m a living proverb; learn from me.

(Pg 92)

-*-*–*-*–*-*-

How could we *not* believe the Lord would guide us? How could we not have faith? For the foundation had been laid in prayer and sorrow. Since that fearful night, Dad had responded with the almost impossible work of belief. He had burned with repentance as though his own hand had fired the gun. He had laid up prayer as if with a trowel. You know this is true, and if you don’t it is I the witness who am to blame.

(Pg 131)

-*-*–*-*–*-*-

But that was only part of it. In truth I got a little scared, and preoccupied about where we’d go from here. For I had asked this of Dad the previous night, asked it straight out: Where do we go from August’s? He didn’t know. We’d simply go forth, he said, like the children of Israel when they packed up and cameled out of Egypt. He meant to encourage me. Just like us, the Israelites hadn’t any idea where they’d end up! Just like us, they were traveling by faith! Indeed, it did impart a thrill, yet the trip thus far, in the frigid and torpid Plymouth, had reminded me what a hard time the chosen people actually had of it. Once traveling, it’s remarkable how quickly faith erodes. It starts to look like something else–ignorance, for example. Same thing happened to the Israelites. Sure it’s weak, but sometimes you’d rather just have a map.

(Pg 134)

-*-*–*-*–*-*-

It’s been this part folks disbelieve–not that the saddle was made whole but that Swede had gone all this time without seeing it. Odd on the face of it, I know–I know. But we’re fearful people, the best of us. We see a newborn moth unwrapping itself and announce, Look, children, a miracle! But let an irreversible wound be knit back to seamlessness? We won’t even see it, though we look at it everyday.

(Pg 173-4)

-*-*–*-*–*-*-

Anyway, I didn’t want to look at Swede. It is one thing to be sick of your own infirmities and another to understand that the people you love most are sick of them also. You are very near then to being friendless in the world.

(Pg 186)

-*-*–*-*–*-*-

I recall the quilted jolts of that ride, the radiant warmth of the horse’s rump and the sulfury odor of Davy’s coat, and I recall the black remorse that flapped down and perched on me as we rode, for this time I was sneaking out on Dad. You can embark on new and steeper versions of your old sins, you know, and cry tears while doing it that are genuine as any.

(Pg 247-8)

-*-*–*-*–*-*-

Someday, you know, we’re going to be shown the great ledger of our recorded decisions–a dread concept you nonetheless know in your deepest soul is true.

(Pg 280)

-*-*–*-*–*-*-

She sat beside me cross-legged, like a Sioux, and held my hand again, as though we would wait together for whatever was moving toward us through the night. At that moment there was nothing–no valiant history or hopeful future–half worth my sister’s pardon. Listening to Dad’s guitar, halting yet lovely in the search for phrasing, I thought: Fair is whatever God wants to do.

(Pg 294)

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Some of my best live band photos. (Part I)

File under General, Music, Photography - by Susan M @ 11:00 pm

I’m gonna go way back and post some oldies. I’ll probably post some more recent stuff later. I haven’t looked at some of these in a long time so it’ll be fun for me. It always amazes me how well I can remember taking certain shots. Especially when I consider how many pictures I’ll take at one show. But that’s why I started taking pictures at shows–because I’ve seen so many amazing shows, great bands, and I can’t remember any of them.

This is a band called Unida, they broke up after getting screwed over by a major label that wouldn’t release their album. Long story. But the singer, John Garcia, used to be in Kyuss.

The guitarist was one of the best to photograph I’ve seen. He’d throw all kinds of obnoxious poses.

This was my fave, right up in my camera:

All of these were taken with my old camera, which really sucked compared to what I have now. Which really sucks compared to the camera I’m going to buy next. Here’s a local Seattle band we used to love to go see all the time, VALIS:

This is my friend Adrian, the bassist for VALIS:

Love that look of glee on his face.

And a couple of my very favorite pictures done with my old camera, an all-girl doom metal band, Bottom:

You just can’t plan shots like that. Or at least, I sure can’t. Pure luck.

Monday, July 25, 2005

My Life as a Soundtrack Vol I, Track #5: U2

File under General, Music, Photography - by Susan M @ 11:00 pm

U2 - “New Years Day”

I hated U2 when they first started getting radio airplay with their WAR album. I think just because I got so sick of the song. And of course, after a bit that hate flipped around and became love, love, love.

U2 was my first big love. WAR was the first album I ever got. I was fanatical up until whatever came after Rattle and Hum, I think.

I got to meet U2 when I was 16. I had a penpal in San Francisco who got us tickets for an Amnesty International benefit show they were playing. She lived right downtown and knew where bands would stay and how to meet them. So we just went and sat outside the Four Seasons Hotel for about 10 minutes, and they drove up in a van.

Sting got out first. (He was headlining the show.) Then Bono with his wife, Ali. He looked so tired. But when he saw us waiting to meet him, he just looked at his wife, and she nodded and went into the hotel without him. He came over and my penpal’s friend Sherri gave him this big flag she’d made. He didn’t want to take it, he told her he’s given so much stuff when he’s on tour he couldn’t possibly keep it all, and he wanted to sign it and let her keep it. But she wanted him to look at what she’d put on it. So he took it.

This was back when he’d regularly pull a girl out of the audience and give her a hug during the song “Bad.” When we saw the band play the next night, he pulled Sherri out of the audience. My penpal and I were sitting much further back than Sherri, and we freaked out when we saw her up on the big screen. I figure he recognized her from us meeting him and her giving him the flag.

I took a picture of him when we met him, with my penpal Laura. I haven’t been able to track Laura down, I hope she doesn’t mind that I’m posting it.

I still love Bono. And U2.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

My Life as a Soundtrack, Vol I, Track #4: Pink Floyd

File under General, Music - by Susan M @ 11:00 pm

I’ve already posted about how when I was a kid my older brother used to come over with his records to play them on my mom’s new stereo. I can’t remember what all he brought over, but I know there was some Pink Floyd. The song I remember most is “Hey You,” but I can’t find it to post it. So I’m using “Another Brick in the Wall.” I think he also had a sound effects record. Wish I had that one today!

I can remember being shocked in about 4th or 5th grade when a boy in my class said to Mrs. Starnes, “Hey, teacher, leave that kid alone!” I remember that was he wearing an AC/DC Back in Black tshirt. I didn’t know what Back in Black meant, or who AC/DC was, other than they were devil music.

Bob Geldof starred as Pink Floyd in the movie the Wall, and in his autobiography, “Is That It?” he talks about the experience. It sounded miserable. You know the scene where he freaks out in the hotel room, throws a tray of food and dishes at the room service girl, then breaks the huge plateglass window? Well, the director told him to do that, but didn’t tell the actress he was going to. So when she ducks and looks scared, it’s because she wasn’t expecting it. And I think when he broke the window and leaned out of it, he tore some of his fingernails off, or something like that. His autobiography is pretty interesting. He talks about meeting Mother Teresa among other things.

Listen to Pink Floyd in the radio.blog to the right.

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